Category: Am Yisrael

What is the right way to mourn?

In Judaism, it is pretty straightforward.  We have a series of rituals and traditions that serve to guide us.  But the answer is more nuanced depending in considerable measure on who you are and the relationship to the deceased.

Judaism compels us to “do the right thing.” It is one of our tradition’s great insights. Doing what we are supposed to do is affirming the bereaved’s humanity and sense of ethics.  Even if the relationship was fraught, Judaism provides the ability to rise above circumstances instead of becoming a victim to circumstances.

In this week’s Torah portion, Chayei Sarah, we read that when Sarah died, Abraham wept (Genesis 23:2).  But as is the case with Torah, there is more here than the words of the verse.  The Torah has one of the letters of the Hebrew word for wept, livkotah, the kaf, printed physically smaller than the other letters.  Our sages saw this as purposeful and concluded that this indicated that Abraham cried only a little.  Why would Abraham not weep fully?

Perhaps he was overcome by guilt, bearing responsibility for her death.  Midrashim tell of Sarah dying of a broken heart when she learns Abraham took their precious son Isaac and sacrificed to God on Mount Moriah.  And to further compound things, Abraham knows in his heart that he would do the same thing again to prove his loyalty to God.

There are many reasons why we are unable to be fully present when we experience loss.

For example, Abraham negotiated for the burial cave and immediately focused on sending his servant to find a wife for Isaac.  Most of us have experience with people focusing on funeral planning as a means of diversion from confronting the pain of loss.  And many people experience complicated grief or ambivalence over the death of someone ostensibly close.

Our tradition offers us a roadmap of sorts when for the process of death and grief.  My teacher Rabbi Dr. Michael Chernick wrote that we have obligations and responsibilities as the surviving loved one.  Whether we loved them or even liked them, whether they were good to us or not, for our own sake, we need to do certain things on behalf of those who die. So we learned that despite Abraham’s weeping, or lack thereof, he purchased the cave at Machpelah and buried Sarah there.

As a rabbi, I am often asked how do I bury my loved one correctly?  The fact that someone would ask means that, on some level, they already are.  Together we can explore ways to help them.

But that is different from dictating what to do or how to feel.  We have a framework.  The task is to understand how our tradition can provide the honor of the deceased and comfort for the bereaved.

Recently, two adult children asked me to officiate the unveiling for their father.  Then they changed their minds, cavalierly saying that as only a couple of prayers need to be spoken, they could do it without the expense of a rabbi in attendance.  Besides, he (their father) never would have won father of the year.

As I listened, I knew that they would honor their father, but I also knew they were about to miss out on that crucial second piece of our tradition’s wisdom, finding their comfort.  We spent some time talking as I was wearing my chaplain’s kippah.  But I didn’t press.  I hoped they might process the unveiling and the loss in a constructive way and bring them comfort and healing.

How do you process complicated grief?  Abraham demonstrates that the question has been around for a long time. So may we find comfort in our memories of those deceased as we embrace the idea that they may be for us a blessing.

 

 

Shabbat Shalom

As part of our recent CCAR* cultural trip to Israel, we visited Polyphony, an organization dedicated to teaching music to young people, Arab and Jew, together.  One of the great gifts of humankind is Western Classical Music.  The message of this school is that this music belongs to all of us; We all have access to this beauty, regardless of our backgrounds, and through music, we can come together sharing this exquisite high art form.

The following is a clip produced by Polyphony promoting their important work.  It is a message of hope and building bridges through the common language of music.  Watching the young students perform works of the Masters was inspirational and a wonderful way to welcome Shabbat.

Shabbat Shalom

*CCAR- Central Conference of American Rabbis

Shabbat Shalom

We still believe that there is a better place, a promised land, and the way there is through the wilderness.  There is no way for us to get from here to there, except by joining hands, marching together. (Mishkan Tefillah, adapted)

If you can, be at the rally in New York this Sunday to express solidarity as a first step toward achieving the values that are at the center of Judaism and America.  Together as the Jewish community of the United States with all others of goodwill, we will overcome forces of hatred and bigotry.  There is much work to be done and miles to go before we sleep.  Together we can get there.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Shabbat Shalom

 

Blaspheming in the Name of the Sacred- The warning of Parshat Tzav

We have seen the enemy and he is us.  So were the immortal words of the great American philosopher Pogo, the satirical cartoon creation of Walt Kelly.  That droll quip speaks to a dark sinister reality about what is happening in the Jewish world, in direct contrast to the warning offered by Parshat Tzav.

God directs Moses to command the priests on what to do and how to do it as they fulfill their sacred responsibilities on behalf of the people Israel.  It is clear that the sacred tasks require special ways of acting.  There is too much at stake; for these are the priest making offerings to God on behalf of God’s people.  The priest learn the strict code to which they must adhere.  Deviating is not acceptable, and the consequences can be severe, as Nadav and Abihu will learn. 

Later on, we learn that the nation itself is a nation of priests.  That we as a nation are similarly charged with a series of behaviors that are required of us to fulfill our responsibilities.  These laws are put forward in Torah and then developed by the rabbis  and shared in the Oral Torah and the great works that expound upon these laws.  Like our priestly class, the nation of Israel is bound to the laws of Torah on how to act in order to fulfil our sacred responsibilities of being a light to the nations. 

That light has been dimming as a result of a move away from our role as faithful servants to  something that embodies a hubris endangering and attacking our core values as a people.  We have moved from the sacred work of Sanctifying God’s name to profaning God’s name, from Kiddush ha-Shem to Hillul ha-Shem. 

At the most recent Rosh Chodesh at the Kotel we witnessed a brutal and tragic display of violence against the Women of the Wall.  We do not agree on how we should engage in ritual.  I respect other approaches to Judaism, even though I do not practice them.  Likewise, there are many who would see my religious practice as unacceptable.  However deep the disagreements may be, there is no justification for the violence perpetrated on the Women at the Kotel.  I would argue that the shouting is an undermining of the special space that is the Kotel and place.  But physical battery is blasphemy, plain and simple.    It curses God’s name and everything that Judaism is supposed to represent.  In the name of the sacred, everything sacred has been trashed, God’s great name was trampled in the mud.  The violent encounter was in violation of all of Jewish Law and culture.  This moment is a tipping point for us as a people. And this is not the only arena where our behavior needs to be critically examined. Tzav, commanded behaviors, require adherence to standards of decency and ethics.  Are we acting as God has directed? 

There is a rise in racism in Israel is an insidious cancer eating away at the very soul of the State.  This racism dehumanizes the non-Jew, whether they be citizens of Israel or Palestinians of the West Bank and Gaza.  The inability to see the other as one with fundament human and civil rights, entitled to dignity and respect, undermines the ideals of both the Jewish State and the Jewish religion. 

The violent racist Kahanists, Otzmah Yehudit, have a new-found acceptance in Israeli politics.  The inclusion of these group dedicated to an extreme racist view, enforced by thuggery, should be unthinkable, but instead of repudiating them and everything they stand for, they are legitimized and welcomed.  There are appeals to the courts seeking redress, but ultimately the Israeli people must speak out unequivocally against this base and baseless hatred.

This issue also confronts American Jewry.  As anti-Semitism is on the rise, American Jews must respond.  The manner in which we move forward will determine if we are no better than those who hate us.  Can we be strong and resolute without resorting to similar tactics as those whose ideas we find dangerous and contemptible? Can we find sufficient security in this extraordinary place and time in our history to battle anti-Semitism and not feel disenfranchised by those contemptible people on the margins of society who seek to do us harm?

The second temple was destroyed, our sages say, due to Sinat Chinam, the baseless internecine warfare that existed within the Jewish people.  Instead of a tolerant society with many different interpretations of Judaism, the People of Israel became a fractious group of competing sects intent on imposing their particular view on everyone, ultimately sacrificing everything.  Can we reclaim the ideals of Klal Yisrael, or is history repeating itself?

Our leaders from across the breadth of our tradition including  Rabbi Nachman the Hasidic master, Rav Kook the founder of religious Zionism, and Rabbi Abraham Heschel an American Prophetic voice,  to name only three, all warned against hatred against others,  no matter how deeply offensive we might find certain practices.  They encouraged us to embrace the best of our tradition so that we may bring forward our values in the world.   Tzav as part of the book of Leviticus, as part of Torah,  lays out the rules for how to act as a  people in sacred service to God.  These rules are based on core values that are central to every expression of Judaism, religious, ethnic, and cultural.  When we violate the values that are at our core, we betray the sacred aspirations of  our tradition. Tzav reminds us of our duties and sacred obligations and admonishes us not to stray.   Tzav demands more of us, we need to take heed and act better. 

Stand and See

I am excited to share that I am co-leading a group of emerging Christian leaders on a trip to Israel as part of the Stand and See Fellowship. This unique initiative sponsored by CLAL brings seminarians to the Holy Land with a rabbi, a Christian scholar, and a local guide. Although our threesome might sound like the beginning of an amusing joke, this is a serious enterprise designed to connect these future faith leaders emotionally, spiritually and intellectually to Israel and promote a nuanced understanding of contemporary Palestinian life. 
Learn more at: https://standandsee.org/

Here is the press release from CLAL:

CLAL is excited, honored and proud to announce our Stand and See Fellowship trip being conducted with Minneapolis’ Luther Seminary. The trip will be co-lead by our colleague and RWB alum, Rabbi David Levin, and Luther Professor, Rev. Matt Skinner Ph.D. Both bring deep experience and intellectual depth to this work — Matt as a professor of New Testament Studies and David with years of congregational, communal and educational leadership — and each is a genuine thought partner whose contributions to Stand and See will be felt far beyond this particular journey.