The tensions between generations has existed, likely from the beginning. Cat Stevens (Yusuf), a favorite troubadour of my youth, captures the issue in his iconic song, Father & Son. As we struggle our differences, let’s also treasure the things that link us together.
Shabbat Shalom
When we went to grandma and grandpa’s house to visit, some things stood out. Among them was a giant breakfront that contained the unique items they had collected over the years. I remember the porcelain figurines on display, delicate and colorful, gracing the shelves just behind the beautiful curved glass. But there was something even more extraordinary; it was a secret that only my grandpa knew. He would call us over and open the top right drawer and withdraw a box of campfire marshmallows. The box had eight marshmallows, so my brother Jeff and I always enjoyed the special treat and even got seconds.
As I got older, I got a bit bolder, and the allure of those marshmallows was too great. So, I decided to sneak over to that drawer and get a marshmallow for myself. I waited for the appropriate time and stealthily made my move to the treasure chest. I opened the drawer, but the marshmallows were not there. I was crestfallen. I was sure grandpa put the box back in the drawer. But like magic, they disappeared. What was amazing to me was that the same thing happened the next time. Grandpa produced the box of marshmallows and put the remaining ones away, but they disappeared when I went back to look. It was truly magic. 
I never did ask my grandfather about the magic disappearing marshmallow trick. But now that I am about as old as he was when he performed that trick, I think I figured out how he did it. I hope that someday I will be given the gift of performing that same magic trick for my grandchild. For, the breakfront now sits in my study. I have replaced the porcelains with special books and mementos, including a picture of my grandparents on their 50th wedding anniversary. It is magical.
June 19th is celebrated in American history as the date when the slaves were freed (it actually was the day when Union Troops entered Texas to enforce the final ending of slavery on June 19, 1865, three years after Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation of Sept 22, 1862). Juneteenth, as it is known, remains an aspiration. Today, in this special moment in time we find so much of America is still unfulfilled; Ideals yet to be achieved, dreams yet to realized. America was the Promised Land for so many, but the promise is a work in progress, a distant goal for far too many.
On this Juneteenth let us affirm our commitment to make this special place one that extends ideals of equal justice, liberty, and equality to everyone. It is a long road ahead, but it is a journey worth traveling.
Find a group that promotes our sacred values such as the ADL, the ACLU, the Innocence Project, Repairers of the Breach, and support them. Learn how to help create the changes to make our society juster and fairer for all. Celebrate Freedom on Juneteenth and every day thereafter.
It’s National Be Nice to In-Laws weekend!
There is a wonderful commercial on the airways. The “Good Hands” insurance folks have Tina Fey driving with her mother-in-law, aka Mayhem, portrayed by Dean Winters. It is a caricature of the tensions intrinsic in this relationship. But it is not always so, as we see in this week’s Parsha, Yitro. This week we see how the wisdom of the elder father can be shared with the son. Yitro is transferring knowledge borne from the experience of leading others, he is a Midianite priest after all, to Moses, a relative “newbie” to this challenge.
The wise should share their wisdom. That is straightforward enough. But it is in the transferring that things can often be complicated. If I try to impose my wisdom, it likely won’t be heard, shunted aside instead of embraced. I must find a way to communicate successfully, requiring understanding and sensitivity. And on the other side of this relationship, the one benefitting from wisdom needs to be ready for the learning. Jethro had to listen and find a way to connect with his son-in-law, and Moses needed to be overwhelmed enough to realize he was in over his head and was in a desperate place. Only then could that wisdom be shared.
Both sides of the relationship are challenged to set aside ego and power so that they can find a place to work together for a common purpose. How timely a message for all of us.
Shabbat Shalom!
(I have been away for a few weeks traveling in Israel and Rome. I bring home many new experiences I look forward to sharing soon.)
So, it turns out that maybe mine is not the only family described as dysfunctional. Family dynamics have always been difficult. Toldot shares unique stories of the tensions that can exist, based on things like sibling rivalries, deception, favoritism, and selfishness.
We can see ourselves and our own family of origin in Toldot, even if not quite as extreme as portrayed here or in other cultural storytelling such as Game of Thrones, Succession, and an almost countless list of movies and literature. Any story involving family draws on the deep well of our own experiences creating drama that imagination alone could never rival.
I am blessed to have a special brother. We have found each other again after too much time apart. He is a person I admire and respect as well as love, but it took a while for me to mature enough to put the sibling rivalry in its proper place and embrace him. Families are complicated.
The members of a family are individuals, each with distinct personalities and gifts. Each of us is different. But, we can still be united in the bond that is family. It is said that Blood is thicker than water (a saying traced back to 13th century Germany)[1]. I always knew that my brother would be there if I needed him, as I would for him, regardless of where we were.
Isaac, Rachel, Esau, and Jacob all had parts to play in the strange stories we recount in Toldot. The drama played out in ways that left indelible stains, scarring people like blood on cloth. Overcoming bad actions or even bad actors is a great challenge. This is a crucial message of this week’s Torah portion. Although we are unable to control things happen to us, we can control how we respond to them. Events and life experiences can shape our view of the world and our relationships. How we understand those lessons will determine our course.
This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for the blessing in my life. Today is not the day to dwell on past disappointments (unless your football team loses perhaps). We can approach today with an open heart. Although my brother and I will be at different tables, he and his family are present in my heart. I hope that we all find ways to come together united in friendship, fellowship, and love.
Happy Thanksgiving!
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water
The whole world is a narrow bridge, but do not be afraid; you are not alone.
These are the immortal words of Reb Nachman of Bratslav. Rabbi Yosef Goldman put these words to new music creating an inspiring message, a beautiful way to welcome Shabbat.
Shabbat Shalom
“And the life of Sarah was 100 years and twenty years and seven years, the years of the life of Sarah”.
It would be easier to say she died at the age of 127. But we would miss an important message. The text seems to ask us to examine Sarah’s life, not that it was over, but that it was lived- there were distinct phases to her life, each of which is worth examining and celebrating and using as a guide for us to navigate our lives.
Parshah Chayei Sarah goes on to share the story of her death and burial. But the opening is a peek into the life of an extraordinary person, our Matriarch.
We also have distinct phases in our lives. For example, each of us has a childhood, young adulthood, and that period known as middle-age. But each of us is unique. Sarah’s three phases are written at the end of her life. So, we look back and see how her story unfolded and the legacy she leaves for the generations to come. There is another implication to this as well; we can start a new chapter in our lives. It takes courage to change course midstream deliberately, but it can be done. We are not bound to follow a path. We can make changes that will bring more profound meaning and connection. Some changes are subtle, some are more radical, perhaps not as drastic as Sarah giving birth at 90, but radical none-the-less.
We can look forward to what might be rather than only looking back at what was. Sarah scoffed at the idea of becoming a mother at her age. But she was a protective nurturer of the next leader of our people, her son Isaac. The future possibilities seemed incredible when they were presented, but it became her reality. So too, with us. May we have the courage to reach beyond what is easily within our grasp, and perhaps we also will realize what had only been a dream and make it real.
