Ethical Will – Jewish Relationships Initiative

Welcome to the Third Act

Turning 64, I embraced the idea that I have begun the third act of the play that is my life. At 32 years per act, that gets me to 96 years old before the final curtain. Allowing for an epilogue and perhaps an encore, I get a bit more, but likely I will take my final bow sometime before that mystical 120 years that we wish for one another.

So, Rosh Hashanah is an even more “ crucial new beginning”, as I ponder the question, “If granted the gift of life, what will I do with it to make it count?” For third acts are about resolution and bringing things together.

The High Holidays are a time for reflection. In my work, a reimagination of the Ethical Will, I share that reflection is an important tool. Reflection is about checking in to see if we are on the right path, and making the necessary adjustments.

These adjustments can be one of two types: Adjustments can be made to get back on the path from which we have strayed, or adjustments can be more radical, a realization that we need to walk a new path on the way to something different than we originally intended.

This introspection is a core message of the High Holidays.

When I look back in about 32 years from now, I hope to see a life well lived- not in its glory or material accomplishments, but in its meaning and human connection. It is in the choices I make today and the things I do now, that will determine whether I reach the goal of a life well-lived.

I hope that each of us uses this time of the High Holidays to find our path for the coming year, and then walking it. Wishing everyone G’mar Chatima Tova, to be sealed in the Book of Life for a happy healthy New Year.

Your Legacy and Your Loved Ones

Your loved ones are your legacy. That is an important message I learned from last week’s Torah Portion Pinchas. We must consciously remember those closest to us, especially even when our work, our mission, or our very essence might have us focus on everyone else.

Pinchas’ legacy is established in the aftermath of his zealotry. The legacy of Zelophehad is also set; his daughters ensuring their father’s name is not lost and they can be rightful inheritors of his property. Moses passes the mantle of leadership to Joshua as part of his legacy. However, two people are glaringly missing: Gershom and Eliezer, the two children of Moses. What happened to them?

We can only imagine the ambivalence of these two sons watching their father in all his greatness. They see him lead with the most profound wisdom and love for both his people and God, yet he loses sight of his own children. It is a sad state of affairs for these two children to be ignored. The text screams out in its complete silence; for there is no mention of them at all. It is a modern-day message to all of us.

How often do we neglect our own? For many of us in the “caring” professions, the demanding hours prioritize others over family. For those of us in the clergy, the RKs (Rabbi’s Kids) often complain they are neglected because their parent is so busy actively involved in the lives of the congregants they serve. And those of us dedicated to building a career, we find long hours away from our children the price we pay for success.

For us to leave a truly worthy legacy, even the greatest among us need to make time for those closest to us. We all have shortcomings and with the benefit of hindsight, we all know where we could have done better. But more importantly, we need to know in our hearts that we do the very best we can and what we do is for the benefit of our family. For if we do that, then our children will know that they were loved. And that is the most beautiful blessing and legacy of all.

You are My Lifeline

In my early training as a lifeguard, I was taught that you can only do so much to save another. You swim out to the distressed and offer a life ring, once they grab on to it, you can swim into shore rescuing him/her. But they had to grab hold of the flotation device otherwise you would risk both of your lives. You could go most of the way, but you needed the participation of the other. Later on, I learned a more aggressive approach to lifesaving using grips and evasive maneuvers to assert control over the victim. Finally, I learned that sometimes to save a life required knocking the other person out with a swift cross to the jaw. You saved two lives in that precarious moment, yours and the victim’s.

How actively and strongly do we intercede when it comes to saving another? How do we determine the appropriate course of action? Sadly, it often devolves into a matter of personal convenience. Whether it is suicide, drug abuse, or so many of our civic/social problems, we often find it easier to ignore them. How often do we step over the person sitting in the street begging rather than at least engage their humanity?

People need to be seen and heard. The silent scream of despair of one soul should ring as loudly in our ears as the giant thunderclap from the heavens. Wringing hands and feeling another’ pain consoles our own ego, but it does nothing to help another in need. If there is something we all need more of, it is human connection. Every one of us is nurtured by interactions with others. It makes us feel cared for, it makes us feel human. The loss of this most basic need dehumanizes us and only bad things can ensue.

We have reached a tipping point. It is time for each of us to reenergize human connection. Social media is a place to share, but it is does not replace the interpersonal one-on-one experiences with another. Government programs can provide safety nets but cannot create the human warmth and validation each of us so desperately needs. Communities of caring such as synagogues and churches can bring us together in important ways. But it all begins with me and my ability to see you, as an individual in your humanity; every one of us realizing that we need each other to truly be complete. And in that critical precarious moment, I am the person who can rescue you and you are the person who has the power to rescue me.

Shabbat Shalom and Happy New Year

This Shabbat we read Parsha Vayechi, closing the Book of Genesis. This coincides with the end of the secular year 2017. The religious and secular realms share something else as well; we immediately move forward into the Book of Exodus and seamlessly, 2018 starts.

Exodus’s incredible story awaits its unfolding. And if only based on the events of the past year, we anticipate 2018 will be filled with things that will both challenge us and have a far-ranging impact upon us. How we respond will also have a great effect on the future as well.

We end Genesis, as with every book of Torah, with the traditional closing: “Hazak, Hazak, v’nitchazek! Be strong and together we shall be strengthened!”

May we live 2018 energized with the courage of our convictions and move forward together. May 2018 be a year of blessings for us all, in which we work toward creating a legacy worthy of the next generation.

Shabbat Shalom and Happy New Year!

To a wonderful 2018

Hard to get where you are going if you don’t know where you are

And you cant know where you are if you don’t know where you’ve been.

As aphorisms go, mine needs some work, but I hope you get the gist of it. We are ourselves links in a chain and our life journey is similar. The things we learn along the way shape us. Knowing our past helps us understand our present; who we are and how we connect with others. And that helps us take the next steps on our journey.

Our Legacy is not merely an Ethical Will we leave behind, it is the product of our life experiences. Let’s spend some time during 2018 embracing this idea and using it to understand how better to connect and create more meaningful relationships.

Conversations for Life and Legacy

I am excited to announce the launch of Conversations for Life and Legacy™.

Conversations for Life and Legacy™ is a whole new approach to sharing our wisdom, making meaning in our lives, and connecting beyond ourselves drawing upon the insights of Jewish tradition and text.

Conversations for Life and Legacy™ goes far beyond an Ethical Will to share our sacred stories in unique new ways. Among the particular innovations are using a rabbi trained in chaplaincy to guide the interview and capturing it all on video.

Please look at our new website: www.ConversationsForLifeAndLegacy.com to explore this new approach; see what it can mean to you and how it can be brought to your community.

Today we also launch a Facebook page: ConversationsForLifeAndLegacy and we will be on Twitter as well @rabbidavidlevincll.

It’s time to have the Conversations of your Life!

Conversations for Life and Legacy™