Solemnize or sanctify? A Wedding Question

When a couple marries, is the ceremony one of Solemnization or Sanctification? This is an important distinction to understand for couples getting married and for those of us doing the officiating. When an officiant solemnizes a wedding he/she duly performs a formal marriage ceremony. When an officiant sanctifies something, that something is consecrated, set apart and declared holy, or made legitimate by a binding religious sanction. It is important to see that one can perform a legitimate ceremony (solemnize) without adding the consecration. And in point of fact, officiants are often called upon to do the one without the other.

My role as a rabbi requires that I be committed to doing both. But that does not mean that a different officiant, a layperson, for example, cannot also incorporate the holy into the ceremony. For all of us, it requires deliberate forethought to solemnize and sanctify a wedding.

If someone asks me to perform a service that uses Jewish ritual as a perfunctory overlay, I believe that still falls under the auspices of solemnized but not sanctified (and something I am uncomfortable doing). It is only when the ritual is embraced as part of the meaning making process that we can elevate the ceremony to be one of consecration.

I have long thought about this issue as couples approach me regularly. I need the couple to make a commitment to a Jewish family and future, as well as a ceremony that resonates with the couple. Every couple I work with therefore is required to invest time and effort to understanding the rituals they will include and exclude from their ceremony in addition to having the important conversations with each other to discover what each of them understands as a Jewish family and future. I serve as the lamplighter on this journey.

A young woman shared that she was asked to officiate at her sister’s wedding. The couple said it was because the sister knew them well. The couple is in love but neither is religiously affiliated or active. Given their lack of attachment to Judaism, it is likely a ceremony that I would not do. But this anecdote points to a trend towards serious, but non-religious union. I am sure that this young woman will do her utmost to provide a meaningful ceremony. However, she will need to invest much effort in order to sanctify and solemnize her sister’s wedding (I am confident that she will, and I stand ready to help her). I wonder if the fee-for-service or mail-order ministers would do justice on behalf of the couples they ostensibly serve.

Sanctification should be an important consideration for every couple seeking a meaningful ceremony. And it needs to be an issue that every officiant honestly confronts.

We will build this world with love

I joined the Minister’s March for Justice in Washington yesterday. We marched to support the values we hold dear. We marched in support of a vision of America based on equality of opportunity and justice for all, a place where there is no room for hatred, persecution, or oppression.  We joined with others who share this vision.

We left galvanized to bring the message back to our communities to promote these great American values and to live them. Together, we will reach out to promote understanding and inclusivity. To those who would hate, we proclaim that we will build this world with love, Olam Chesed Yibaneh, and invite them to join us. For our ideas are better ideas and we will prevail.

Shabbat Shalom

Just a note to wish everyone a Shabbat Shalom.

Tonight I will go to a friend’s synagogue for Kabbalat Shabbat and then off to have dinner with friends and loved ones.  Sounds like a pretty amazing way to celebrate a birthday.

Shabbat Shalom

Portents of the Eclipse

solar eclipseLike most things meaning is often something we ascribe rather than something intrinsic. An eclipse is a fact of the physical world based on orbiting bodies and the shadows they cast when sun moon and earth interact. They are knowable and predictable.

Our tradition has suggested that an eclipse portends an unfavorable time for the world. A lunar eclipse was a bad omen for the Jewish people in particular, perhaps because of our connection to the lunar cycles in our calendar. I particularly like the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s z”l understanding that this is an opportunity to increase prayer and introspection. I do not know whether an eclipse would prompt certain bad behaviors to come out. This idea seems to lapse into the realm of the bubbe meise or superstition. But anything that makes us pause and consider things a bit more deeply about our circumstances is worthwhile. We have portents and signs all around us if only we would recognize them. Often we do not and even more rarely do we use it as a call to action.

I recall my first solar eclipse. It happened when I was a child living in the “holy city” of Monsey, NY. My father fashioned a special viewer so I could watch the progression. It was essentially little more than a cardboard box with a peephole. I was transfixed as the eclipse took place. The silhouette of the sun showed it being obscured and the sky turned a strange hue. I vividly recall being cautioned by my dad not to look at the sun because I would go blind. But I could not resist at least a quick glance skyward to see this extraordinary event directly and so I looked.   Thankfully my sight was preserved, although at the time I was concerned. My recollections, however, are of the silhouette crossing that white piece of paper in the cardboard box my dad made for me.

What we do with this amazing event is, like so many things, up to us. I suggest that for those who can see it, watch the eclipse with a sense of wonderment and awe for the extraordinary world in which we live, contemplate your place in it, and act.

 

*I thank Chabad.org for sharing thoughts of the Rebbe.

A call to Action

Like so many, I am deeply unsettled about events. My response is a sober, somber, and urgent call to action. Many of my friends and colleagues have spoken eloquently denouncing the vile behavior in Charlottesville. But speeches, outrage, and resistance do little to change the behavior of haters, or those feckless holders of power unable to speak to moral issues for fear of alienating a political base.

All people of good conscience must take a stand and actively support those who condemn the despicable hatred demonstrated in Charlottesville. A moral stand does not know political right or left; the courage to speak against evil is an expression of the American Values we hold dear and our basic humanity. This is a fundamental binary choice. If there ever was a litmus test for a politician, surely this is it.

For those of us who already have representatives who uphold Virtue, we cannot be satisfied that we have done our part. We must lend assistance to those in other places where this battle remains engaged. The time for action has never been critical; the stakes have never been greater.