Category: Relationships

Shabbat Shalom

As part of our recent CCAR* cultural trip to Israel, we visited Polyphony, an organization dedicated to teaching music to young people, Arab and Jew, together.  One of the great gifts of humankind is Western Classical Music.  The message of this school is that this music belongs to all of us; We all have access to this beauty, regardless of our backgrounds, and through music, we can come together sharing this exquisite high art form.

The following is a clip produced by Polyphony promoting their important work.  It is a message of hope and building bridges through the common language of music.  Watching the young students perform works of the Masters was inspirational and a wonderful way to welcome Shabbat.

Shabbat Shalom

*CCAR- Central Conference of American Rabbis

Shabbat Shalom

We still believe that there is a better place, a promised land, and the way there is through the wilderness.  There is no way for us to get from here to there, except by joining hands, marching together. (Mishkan Tefillah, adapted)

If you can, be at the rally in New York this Sunday to express solidarity as a first step toward achieving the values that are at the center of Judaism and America.  Together as the Jewish community of the United States with all others of goodwill, we will overcome forces of hatred and bigotry.  There is much work to be done and miles to go before we sleep.  Together we can get there.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Shabbat Shalom

 

A Thanksgiving message from Toldot

So, it turns out that maybe mine is not the only family described as dysfunctional.  Family dynamics have always been difficult.  Toldot shares unique stories of the tensions that can exist, based on things like sibling rivalries, deception, favoritism, and selfishness.

We can see ourselves and our own family of origin in Toldot, even if not quite as extreme as portrayed here or in other cultural storytelling such as Game of Thrones, Succession, and an almost countless list of movies and literature.  Any story involving family draws on the deep well of our own experiences creating drama that imagination alone could never rival.

I am blessed to have a special brother.  We have found each other again after too much time apart.  He is a person I admire and respect as well as love, but it took a while for me to mature enough to put the sibling rivalry in its proper place and embrace him.  Families are complicated.

The members of a family are individuals, each with distinct personalities and gifts.  Each of us is different.  But, we can still be united in the bond that is family.  It is said that Blood is thicker than water (a saying traced back to 13th century Germany)[1]. I always knew that my brother would be there if I needed him, as I would for him, regardless of where we were.

Isaac, Rachel, Esau, and Jacob all had parts to play in the strange stories we recount in Toldot.  The drama played out in ways that left indelible stains, scarring people like blood on cloth.  Overcoming bad actions or even bad actors is a great challenge. This is a crucial message of this week’s Torah portion.   Although we are unable to control things happen to us,  we can control how we respond to them.   Events and life experiences can shape our view of the world and our relationships.  How we understand those lessons will determine our course.

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for the blessing in my life. Today is not the day to dwell on past disappointments (unless your football team loses perhaps).  We can approach today with an open heart.  Although my brother and I will be at different tables, he and his family are present in my heart.   I hope that we all find ways to come together united in friendship, fellowship, and love.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[1]           https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water

 

Chayei Sarah-Life lessons for us all

“And the life of Sarah was 100 years and twenty years and seven years, the years of the life of Sarah”.

It would be easier to say she died at the age of 127.  But we would miss an important message.  The text seems to ask us to examine Sarah’s life, not that it was over, but that it was lived- there were distinct phases to her life, each of which is worth examining and celebrating and using as a guide for us to navigate our lives.

Parshah Chayei Sarah goes on to share the story of her death and burial.  But the opening is a peek into the life of an extraordinary person, our Matriarch.

We also have distinct phases in our lives.  For example, each of us has a childhood, young adulthood, and that period known as middle-age.  But each of us is unique.  Sarah’s three phases are written at the end of her life.  So, we look back and see how her story unfolded and the legacy she leaves for the generations to come.  There is another implication to this as well; we can start a new chapter in our lives.  It takes courage to change course midstream deliberately, but it can be done.  We are not bound to follow a path. We can make changes that will bring more profound meaning and connection.  Some changes are subtle, some are more radical, perhaps not as drastic as Sarah giving birth at 90, but radical none-the-less.

We can look forward to what might be rather than only looking back at what was.  Sarah scoffed at the idea of becoming a mother at her age.  But she was a protective nurturer of the next leader of our people, her son Isaac.  The future possibilities seemed incredible when they were presented, but it became her reality.  So too, with us.  May we have the courage to reach beyond what is easily within our grasp, and perhaps we also will realize what had only been a dream and make it real.

Vayera – What did Abraham hear when God spoke?

I, like so many others, have struggled with Abraham’s responses to God in the stories of Vayera.  Why was our Patriarch eager to confront God and bargain to save Sodom and Gomorrah and then be so passively accepting of God’s command to kill Isaac?  Abraham responds to what he heard, a message filtered by his own biases and his perception of God, the other in this relationship.

In the Akedah, God instructs Abraham in painful detail, “Take your son, your only son, the one that you love, Isaac, go to Moriah and offer him as a burnt offering.”  God is carefully staking out Abraham’s test of faithfulness.  There is no room for a conversation. The Akedah is so intense; it is almost impossible for Abraham to catch his breath, let alone say something in response.   Although there is no conversation, the ensuing language makes it clear that the next three days, Abraham is thoroughly deliberate traveling to Mt. Moriah.  Abraham cannot deliberate with God, but it is clear he is consumed in his mind by what is to come.

Sodom and Gomorrah were decidedly different.  God deliberates about telling Abraham His plan, which included assessing the situation on the ground, framing an invitation to a conversation. Abraham joins in, and God encourages it by continuing to engage  Despite the trepidation of arguing with the God of Justice about acting justly, Abraham bargains to lower the number of righteous needed to spare the city until he reaches what he perceives as the best he can do, 10-  a minyan.  The negotiating ends with the best deal Abraham believes he can achieve.

How we hear and understand something sets the table for how we respond to it.  Why Abraham feels he has license to argue in one case and not in the other remains one of the mysteries of our text.  But it is all too familiar territory for all of us.  Each of us responds to what we think we have heard, rendering very different responses, even to the same person, based on the facts and our emotional and situation, among other factors.

What do we hear when another speaks?  Have they spoken undeniable truth, or is it an invitation to engage to achieve a better understanding of each other? Knowing when to speak and when to be silent is among the more difficult decisions we make.  Grappling with this issue is as hard for us as it was for Abraham.  Our tradition encourages us to confront it.

The practice of Mussar works hard at getting us to understand the virtues, or middot, that drive both the person with whom we are in relationship and us.  We learn that the successful relationship requires that we appreciate the middot are working on both of us so that it can be complicated.  We often do not get it right, but we stand a better chance of engaging in meaningful dialogue when we try. Abraham’s inconsistent reactions to God is a lesson with a timeless message, certainly one that is pertinent to today.  Torah is a profound understanding of the human condition.  The issues Abraham and all the characters of our tradition confront are genuinely human issues, as relevant today as they were when first written down.  Let’s try harder to listen better to understand each other.

Shabbat Shalom

 

Remembering Pittsburgh- Stronger than Hate

The tragic murder of 11 people one year ago in Pittsburgh is a harsh reminder that hatred is real and we are not always in control of events.  Things often happen to us.   As painful, hurtful, or even devastating as something can be, how we react is in our control.  What is the life-lesson that we learn and how do we actively embrace that life lesson going forward?

Do we react cynically or with an open, albeit wounded, heart?  Can we forgive? Will this event haunt us holding us back, or compel us to move onward? What is the vision of the future we see that is shaped by what happened, what is the world we want to see, and how will we get there?

I struggle with an anger and pain that could be overwhelming, especially as one of the Rabbis initially deploying to Pittsburgh with the Red Cross in the immediate aftermath of the shooting.  Our Jewish tradition helps me re-center myself.  Here I can embrace the timeless values that understand the human condition and provide a framework for a just society where we all might live in peace, based on the idea that we should treat our neighbors as ourselves.   But it is a hard climb up to that mountaintop.

This is the challenge of Pittsburgh.  Our hearts ache for those lost as a result of violent Anti-Semitism.  We take solace in the love of our neighbors and find strength standing shoulder to shoulder with other people of goodwill to continue to strive for the kind of just society we want America to be.

Our tradition is one of deeds.  Our response to this tragedy needs to be more than a feeling.  There are many ways to respond through civic involvement and community activism.  Judaism requires that we belong to a community committed to promoting our values be it a synagogue, philanthropy, or civil rights group.  The important thing is that you are compelled to respond with actions to live the values of our tradition and to build a better world.   What will you do?

Zichronam Livracha and Shabbat Shalom.