Shabbat Shalom

It’s National Be Nice to In-Laws weekend!

There is a wonderful commercial on the airways.  The “Good Hands” insurance folks have Tina Fey driving with her mother-in-law, aka Mayhem, portrayed by Dean Winters. It is a caricature of the tensions intrinsic in this relationship.  But it is not always so, as we see in this week’s Parsha, Yitro.  This week we see how the wisdom of the elder father can be shared with the son.  Yitro is transferring knowledge borne from the experience of leading others, he is a Midianite priest after all, to Moses, a relative “newbie” to this challenge.

The wise should share their wisdom.  That is straightforward enough.  But it is in the transferring that things can often be complicated.  If I try to impose my wisdom, it likely won’t be heard, shunted aside instead of embraced.  I must find a way to communicate successfully, requiring understanding and sensitivity.  And on the other side of this relationship, the one benefitting from wisdom needs to be ready for the learning.  Jethro had to listen and find a way to connect with his son-in-law, and Moses needed to be overwhelmed enough to realize he was in over his head and was in a desperate place.  Only then could that wisdom be shared.

Both sides of the relationship are challenged to set aside ego and power so that they can find a place to work together for a common purpose.  How timely a message for all of us.

Shabbat Shalom!

(I have been away for a few weeks traveling in Israel and Rome.  I bring home many new experiences I look forward to sharing soon.)

 

Shabbat Shalom

We still believe that there is a better place, a promised land, and the way there is through the wilderness.  There is no way for us to get from here to there, except by joining hands, marching together. (Mishkan Tefillah, adapted)

If you can, be at the rally in New York this Sunday to express solidarity as a first step toward achieving the values that are at the center of Judaism and America.  Together as the Jewish community of the United States with all others of goodwill, we will overcome forces of hatred and bigotry.  There is much work to be done and miles to go before we sleep.  Together we can get there.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Shabbat Shalom

 

Chag Urim Sameach and Shabbat Shalom

What are you dedicated to?

Hanukah is a special time.

For most of us, we only get part of the story behind Hanukah.  It is a mix of celebrating a victory over oppression, particular identity over assimilation, an opportunity to celebrate the Sukkot holiday that had been earlier denied.  And of course, let’s not forget Hanukah is the miracle of light when the purified oil miraculously lasted eight days until the new holy oil was available.

And with all of this part of the Hanukah story, we relegate it to “minor” status and often criticize those who make a big deal of the holiday as though it was something truly important- like Shavuot for example.  I come down on the side that embracing Judaism is a good thing- whether it is done for a major or minor holiday seems less important.  It is up to us to find meaning and to infuse our traditions and rituals with the things that help all of us resonate with them.

Mordecai Kaplan is quoted in Siddur Lev Shalem from his work, Meaning of God in Modern Jewish Religion, that the Jewish Religion imbued our rituals with such “universal, ethical, and spiritual significance that the issue involved was felt to be not only the saving of the Jewish people but the saving of all that made life worth living.”  Kaplan was referencing the historical challenges of the various conquerors in our history.  But the Al Hanissim prayer acknowledges a certain timelessness;  The prayer ends “Bayamim hahem, uvazman hazeh,” “in those days and in THIS time.”

This year we are on the other side of the Winter Solstice.  In other words, the darkest days are behind us and every day brings increasing light.  We can only hope that this is true in all ways to interpret this.  But it is up to us to determine what is important and worth fighting for.  At the time of celebrating the re-dedication of the Holy Temple, to what is it that we are prepared to rededicate ourselves?

Chag Urim Sameach and Shabbat Shalom

 

 

 

Shabbat Shalom

Welcoming Shabbat with a beautiful rendition of Shir HaMa’alot, Psalm 126,* by Joey Weisenberg and the Hadar Ensemble, featuring Deborah Sacks Mintz.

Shabbat Shalom

Psalm 126

A pilgrim song. When God restored the exiles to Zion it seemed like a dream. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with joyful song. Then they said among the nations: “God has done great things for them.” Yes, God is doing great things for us, and we are joyful. Restore our fortunes, O God, as streams revive the desert. Then those who have sown in tears shall reap in joy. Those who go forth weeping, carrying bags of seeds, shall come home with shouts of joy, bearing their sheaves.

A Thanksgiving message from Toldot

So, it turns out that maybe mine is not the only family described as dysfunctional.  Family dynamics have always been difficult.  Toldot shares unique stories of the tensions that can exist, based on things like sibling rivalries, deception, favoritism, and selfishness.

We can see ourselves and our own family of origin in Toldot, even if not quite as extreme as portrayed here or in other cultural storytelling such as Game of Thrones, Succession, and an almost countless list of movies and literature.  Any story involving family draws on the deep well of our own experiences creating drama that imagination alone could never rival.

I am blessed to have a special brother.  We have found each other again after too much time apart.  He is a person I admire and respect as well as love, but it took a while for me to mature enough to put the sibling rivalry in its proper place and embrace him.  Families are complicated.

The members of a family are individuals, each with distinct personalities and gifts.  Each of us is different.  But, we can still be united in the bond that is family.  It is said that Blood is thicker than water (a saying traced back to 13th century Germany)[1]. I always knew that my brother would be there if I needed him, as I would for him, regardless of where we were.

Isaac, Rachel, Esau, and Jacob all had parts to play in the strange stories we recount in Toldot.  The drama played out in ways that left indelible stains, scarring people like blood on cloth.  Overcoming bad actions or even bad actors is a great challenge. This is a crucial message of this week’s Torah portion.   Although we are unable to control things happen to us,  we can control how we respond to them.   Events and life experiences can shape our view of the world and our relationships.  How we understand those lessons will determine our course.

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for the blessing in my life. Today is not the day to dwell on past disappointments (unless your football team loses perhaps).  We can approach today with an open heart.  Although my brother and I will be at different tables, he and his family are present in my heart.   I hope that we all find ways to come together united in friendship, fellowship, and love.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[1]           https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water

 

Chayei Sarah-Life lessons for us all

“And the life of Sarah was 100 years and twenty years and seven years, the years of the life of Sarah”.

It would be easier to say she died at the age of 127.  But we would miss an important message.  The text seems to ask us to examine Sarah’s life, not that it was over, but that it was lived- there were distinct phases to her life, each of which is worth examining and celebrating and using as a guide for us to navigate our lives.

Parshah Chayei Sarah goes on to share the story of her death and burial.  But the opening is a peek into the life of an extraordinary person, our Matriarch.

We also have distinct phases in our lives.  For example, each of us has a childhood, young adulthood, and that period known as middle-age.  But each of us is unique.  Sarah’s three phases are written at the end of her life.  So, we look back and see how her story unfolded and the legacy she leaves for the generations to come.  There is another implication to this as well; we can start a new chapter in our lives.  It takes courage to change course midstream deliberately, but it can be done.  We are not bound to follow a path. We can make changes that will bring more profound meaning and connection.  Some changes are subtle, some are more radical, perhaps not as drastic as Sarah giving birth at 90, but radical none-the-less.

We can look forward to what might be rather than only looking back at what was.  Sarah scoffed at the idea of becoming a mother at her age.  But she was a protective nurturer of the next leader of our people, her son Isaac.  The future possibilities seemed incredible when they were presented, but it became her reality.  So too, with us.  May we have the courage to reach beyond what is easily within our grasp, and perhaps we also will realize what had only been a dream and make it real.

Vayera – What did Abraham hear when God spoke?

I, like so many others, have struggled with Abraham’s responses to God in the stories of Vayera.  Why was our Patriarch eager to confront God and bargain to save Sodom and Gomorrah and then be so passively accepting of God’s command to kill Isaac?  Abraham responds to what he heard, a message filtered by his own biases and his perception of God, the other in this relationship.

In the Akedah, God instructs Abraham in painful detail, “Take your son, your only son, the one that you love, Isaac, go to Moriah and offer him as a burnt offering.”  God is carefully staking out Abraham’s test of faithfulness.  There is no room for a conversation. The Akedah is so intense; it is almost impossible for Abraham to catch his breath, let alone say something in response.   Although there is no conversation, the ensuing language makes it clear that the next three days, Abraham is thoroughly deliberate traveling to Mt. Moriah.  Abraham cannot deliberate with God, but it is clear he is consumed in his mind by what is to come.

Sodom and Gomorrah were decidedly different.  God deliberates about telling Abraham His plan, which included assessing the situation on the ground, framing an invitation to a conversation. Abraham joins in, and God encourages it by continuing to engage  Despite the trepidation of arguing with the God of Justice about acting justly, Abraham bargains to lower the number of righteous needed to spare the city until he reaches what he perceives as the best he can do, 10-  a minyan.  The negotiating ends with the best deal Abraham believes he can achieve.

How we hear and understand something sets the table for how we respond to it.  Why Abraham feels he has license to argue in one case and not in the other remains one of the mysteries of our text.  But it is all too familiar territory for all of us.  Each of us responds to what we think we have heard, rendering very different responses, even to the same person, based on the facts and our emotional and situation, among other factors.

What do we hear when another speaks?  Have they spoken undeniable truth, or is it an invitation to engage to achieve a better understanding of each other? Knowing when to speak and when to be silent is among the more difficult decisions we make.  Grappling with this issue is as hard for us as it was for Abraham.  Our tradition encourages us to confront it.

The practice of Mussar works hard at getting us to understand the virtues, or middot, that drive both the person with whom we are in relationship and us.  We learn that the successful relationship requires that we appreciate the middot are working on both of us so that it can be complicated.  We often do not get it right, but we stand a better chance of engaging in meaningful dialogue when we try. Abraham’s inconsistent reactions to God is a lesson with a timeless message, certainly one that is pertinent to today.  Torah is a profound understanding of the human condition.  The issues Abraham and all the characters of our tradition confront are genuinely human issues, as relevant today as they were when first written down.  Let’s try harder to listen better to understand each other.

Shabbat Shalom