Pushing back on the Torah

As a rabbi in the community, I spend substantial time with interfaith couples. There is an undeniable trend with many Jews finding life partners with people of other faith traditions. It is a challenge that Judaism can successfully navigate. And hopefully, we can see the beauty and opportunity arising from such unions.

The story of Pinchas in Balak relates to a fear of intermarriage. It demonstrates how the Israelites were concerned about maintaining their community’s purity and adherence to God’s laws. In the story, the Israelites were seduced by the Moabite women. As a result, they began to engage in sexual immorality and idol worship, which threatened their relationship with God and their identity as separate people.

As a zealous and devout member of the Israelite community, Pinchas took matters into his own hands. He killed an Israelite man and a Midianite woman who were openly engaging in such behavior. His actions were seen as a necessary and just response to the threat of intermarriage and the resulting erosion of the Israelite community’s values and identity. This story speaks against intermarriage, then or now.

However, times have changed since the era depicted in the story of Pinchas. And indeed, this idea is not the first time Jews have seen borders and boundaries as porous, opportunities to engage new ideas and be enriched by them.

Judaism has a rich history of connecting with other cultures and incorporating new ideas, practices, and beliefs. Here are some specific examples of how Judaism has been enriched through its interactions with different cultures:

During the Babylonian Exile in the 6th century BCE, Jews were exposed to new ideas and practices from the Babylonian culture. This led to the development of new forms of Jewish scholarship and the compilation of the Babylonian Talmud, one of the central texts of Judaism.

In the Hellenistic Period in the 4th century BCE, Jews came into contact with Greek culture and philosophy. This led to the development of Hellenistic Judaism, which incorporated Greek ideas into Jewish thought. For example, Philo of Alexandria, a Hellenistic Jewish philosopher, used Greek philosophy to interpret the Hebrew Bible.

During the Islamic Golden Age in the 8th to 13th centuries CE, Jews lived in Muslim-majority societies and were exposed to Islamic culture and philosophy. This led to the development of Jewish philosophy, such as the works of Maimonides, who used Islamic philosophy to interpret Jewish theology.

Sephardic Jews originated in the Iberian Peninsula and had a rich cultural exchange with the Christian and Muslim cultures around them. This led to the development of Sephardic music, art, and cuisine, which have become integral and celebrated parts of Jewish culture.

The Hasidic movement emerged in Eastern Europe in the 18th century, incorporating mystical and ecstatic practices arguably adopted from the surrounding Slavic and Turkic cultures. This led to the development of Hasidic music, dance, and storytelling, which have become central to Hasidic culture and across many Jewish denominations.

In modern times, intermarriage is more widely accepted and celebrated, and many people see it as a positive way to build bridges between different cultures and communities. In many cases, intermarriage can help to promote understanding and reduce prejudice between groups. We are blessed to live in a place and time where we can marry the person we love because of whom they are rather than feel threatened or risk being ostracized.

When welcomed into Judaism’s embrace, these people also hold special esteemed status, known as a Ger Toshav. They have supported the Jewish community in which they live and enriched us. Although considered our “first convert,” Ruth may have been a Ger Toshav.

While some still hold on to the fear of intermarriage and seek to maintain the purity of their community, many people now recognize that diversity and intermarriage can be positive forces for social and cultural change.

Rather than fearing intermarriage, we can welcome those who choose it, seeing it as an opportunity for growth, connection, and understanding. Judaism rises to the occasion with its rich knowledge of its universal core values that are a foundation for creating a meaningful life. It also helps the 21st-century Jew see identity in an inclusive and embracing way.

Judaism has been enriched by its interactions with other cultures throughout history. These interactions have led to the developing of new ideas, practices, and beliefs, which have become integral parts of Jewish culture. Using the past as a prologue, we should welcome these couples with open arms.

 

Solemnize or sanctify? A Wedding Question

When a couple marries, is the ceremony one of Solemnization or Sanctification? This is an important distinction to understand for couples getting married and for those of us doing the officiating. When an officiant solemnizes a wedding he/she duly performs a formal marriage ceremony. When an officiant sanctifies something, that something is consecrated, set apart and declared holy, or made legitimate by a binding religious sanction. It is important to see that one can perform a legitimate ceremony (solemnize) without adding the consecration. And in point of fact, officiants are often called upon to do the one without the other.

My role as a rabbi requires that I be committed to doing both. But that does not mean that a different officiant, a layperson, for example, cannot also incorporate the holy into the ceremony. For all of us, it requires deliberate forethought to solemnize and sanctify a wedding.

If someone asks me to perform a service that uses Jewish ritual as a perfunctory overlay, I believe that still falls under the auspices of solemnized but not sanctified (and something I am uncomfortable doing). It is only when the ritual is embraced as part of the meaning making process that we can elevate the ceremony to be one of consecration.

I have long thought about this issue as couples approach me regularly. I need the couple to make a commitment to a Jewish family and future, as well as a ceremony that resonates with the couple. Every couple I work with therefore is required to invest time and effort to understanding the rituals they will include and exclude from their ceremony in addition to having the important conversations with each other to discover what each of them understands as a Jewish family and future. I serve as the lamplighter on this journey.

A young woman shared that she was asked to officiate at her sister’s wedding. The couple said it was because the sister knew them well. The couple is in love but neither is religiously affiliated or active. Given their lack of attachment to Judaism, it is likely a ceremony that I would not do. But this anecdote points to a trend towards serious, but non-religious union. I am sure that this young woman will do her utmost to provide a meaningful ceremony. However, she will need to invest much effort in order to sanctify and solemnize her sister’s wedding (I am confident that she will, and I stand ready to help her). I wonder if the fee-for-service or mail-order ministers would do justice on behalf of the couples they ostensibly serve.

Sanctification should be an important consideration for every couple seeking a meaningful ceremony. And it needs to be an issue that every officiant honestly confronts.

How do you serve two masters-the interfaith marriage debate

How do you serve two masters?

We are called upon to do this regularly including in the current discussion about the marriage of a Jew to a non-Jew. As Rabbis, we serve Jews and we serve Judaism. These often do not align. How these two competing missions live in tension and how we resolve the issues is something our wisdom tradition teaches us.

We serve Jews. As I have been taught, my service to them requires me to go where they are to help them along their paths, using the wisdom of our tradition to connect and shine light upon the journey. I am also in service to Judaism, charged with Shamor v’Zachor in all of its complexity. These often align with each other, but often they do not. We live in a complicated world where we usually do not choose between good and evil (that’s an easy one of course) but we choose between competing good things. Which one takes primacy? Must they be mutually exclusive, or can they co-exist? Our great tradition including Talmud urges us to grapple with these questions.

We all know minority opinions are kept because they add value, depth, and nuance to the conversation. We have seen Hillel and Shammai duel. Even though Hillel usually prevails, Shammai remains as insight into important issues that cannot be overlooked. It is incorrect to dismiss Shammai as wrong.

We all recall the story of Teaching Torah on one foot. Two radically different approaches are offered, both containing deep wisdom. Ultimately we are left with, “What is hateful to you do not do to another, the rest is all commentary. Now go study,” but not before we understand the gravitas and respect that one must have to approach the process.

The conversation about officiating weddings between Jews and Non-Jews should be viewed through this lens. Is our primary allegiance to preserving and protecting Judaism, or to reaching out to Jews wherever they may be? What precisely does each of these things look like? Where we ultimately define ourselves and cast our allegiance will determine what each of us can do and what is beyond our ability. I have no doubt about the seriousness that each of us approaches this task. And I am not criticizing the considered decision of anyone.   However, there are real ramifications to our decisions. How we are perceived in our respective communities and how will our decisions affect the couple requesting our services as officiant are two profoundly important questions we must ask ourselves as we consider the issue.

There is a substantial segment of Jews who seek to marry someone who is not Jewish. How we approach them may forever affect them and their relationship to Judaism. When someone approaches us, what will we do? If we cannot officiate based on a principled position, do we dismiss them, or find a colleague who can be present in this important and critical time? Will you be Hillel or Shammai?